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Connecting Stars
Sam's birthday party, which was fun. Unpleasantness with parents, which was less so.
So, Zan was getting all overwhelmed about all the stuff she wants to do and how she doesn't have enough time for anything. While I was trying to encourage her (somehow she's gotten into empathetic-link catergory), one thing I started thinking was about how much I've changed, and started looking forward to walking home with Zan at night and talking. This 'plan' was ruined by worried Mom. I got upset over it—I'd be a lot different now if it hadn't been for introspective walks home from Area Studies, and it'd never really struck me (in the pre-empathetic-link stage) how Zan's experience would be different than mine. I don't even know if she'd... gravitate the same way. She probably doesn't have Stargap (easier to type for some reason than... Lunarali, Jahyper •). Maybe I'm just projecting. I've always thought Zan was at least two years more mature than I was at her age, but I'm wondering how Japan will affect her 3 remaining years of high school, how I would have dealt with it. I don't know, and it's probably not for me to know, but on my part I've been feeling like I really know my parents less and less, starting after Japan but more so now, with things like Mom not not caring if I decided I wanted to be Catholic... I know I'm ready to go, and I hope Zan finds a starlit path towards her own hometown.
EDIT: To state this noncryptically, Mom's not letting Zan walk home from Area Studies, which annoys me, because it was one thing I really enjoyed about Area Studies, as it gave me a chance to gravitate (think deeply about) the stuff from class. Sorry for creating yet another entry that sounds a lot worse than I meant it to be.
I'll probably resume Pennsic updates tomorrow, not in the mood right now.
Oh, and I might actually start working on Abhorsen-world campaign materials, now that Melissa's brought it up independently. It would be quite neat, but I really don't need more to do. Then again, there's little point to completing the Haernamë rules as a document as opposed to as I go, so *shruggle*
Xavid
So, Zan was getting all overwhelmed about all the stuff she wants to do and how she doesn't have enough time for anything. While I was trying to encourage her (somehow she's gotten into empathetic-link catergory), one thing I started thinking was about how much I've changed, and started looking forward to walking home with Zan at night and talking. This 'plan' was ruined by worried Mom. I got upset over it—I'd be a lot different now if it hadn't been for introspective walks home from Area Studies, and it'd never really struck me (in the pre-empathetic-link stage) how Zan's experience would be different than mine. I don't even know if she'd... gravitate the same way. She probably doesn't have Stargap (easier to type for some reason than... Lunarali, Jahyper •). Maybe I'm just projecting. I've always thought Zan was at least two years more mature than I was at her age, but I'm wondering how Japan will affect her 3 remaining years of high school, how I would have dealt with it. I don't know, and it's probably not for me to know, but on my part I've been feeling like I really know my parents less and less, starting after Japan but more so now, with things like Mom not not caring if I decided I wanted to be Catholic... I know I'm ready to go, and I hope Zan finds a starlit path towards her own hometown.
EDIT: To state this noncryptically, Mom's not letting Zan walk home from Area Studies, which annoys me, because it was one thing I really enjoyed about Area Studies, as it gave me a chance to gravitate (think deeply about) the stuff from class. Sorry for creating yet another entry that sounds a lot worse than I meant it to be.
I'll probably resume Pennsic updates tomorrow, not in the mood right now.
Oh, and I might actually start working on Abhorsen-world campaign materials, now that Melissa's brought it up independently. It would be quite neat, but I really don't need more to do. Then again, there's little point to completing the Haernamë rules as a document as opposed to as I go, so *shruggle*
Xavid
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Looking back at this, this esotericness is probably as much my obligatory longing for the past as anything else. Either that, or backlash from spending half the afternoon talking about/helping with other people's problems without spending much time at all on me. That's what I get for being too well-adjusted for my own good (as I've been called by friends). I'm sure Zan will be fine, and probably significantly less esoteric than me.
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I guess to me the thing about Mom is sort of like how if you got hurt because you did something bad/stupid she would be upset and maybe mad but she would forgive you and love you anyway. If you were Catholic, she has her own biases of personal experience that she might be a bit upset, but she trusts you enough to leave it up to you. I think she just hopes she raised you with values that will lead you to a different path than the one she rejected. Maybe you need to talk to her, I don't know, but she prolly won't be happy to read this in your lj...
Did that make any sense?
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Whate'er happens, I'll deal with it the best I can, and Em's right. I have lots of wonderful people to be there and help me.
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Just to mention it, since I was talking with someone (I think it was Leen's boyfriend) about this the other night, Catholicism is really different depending on where you go. You get rather different experiences going to a big church versus a little church, even going to Mass for something like Holy Thursday versus a regular Sunday. There are two churches in my town, and mine is the more liberal, so while I know kids who were altar boys and altar girls when they were little, that never meant anything to me because grown-ups did that stuff, and if you get to the youth mass teenagers and grown-ups do that stuff.
But we so have St. Ann's beat when it comes to music. ;)
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Xavid
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People have this tendency to think I'm Unitarian, or pagan, or some sort of liberal Protestant, and then they're surprised when I say I'm Catholic.
For what it's worth, I'm Catholic more out of inertia than anything else. There are an awful lot of things I really hate about Catholicism, but it's also something I've lived with for seventeen years and unless I find something better it's not worth rocking the boat here. Once I go to college, I think I'll loosen up and be more the way I am at alpha, simply because I won't have eleven (and in some cases seventeen) years worth of other people's expectations weighing me down, making me question myself.
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Don't let my rambling worry you. by the way. I'm sure you'll do wonderfully, in a somewhat different way than I did.
And I didn't feel or try to make this sound cynical, by the way. Then, it was more disillusioned. Now, it's more awaré, the beauty of something passing.
I'm reading Lirael
Re: I'm reading Lirael
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Zan will be okay, and so will you (despite all angst)...
And, if you don't mind... *hugs*
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(and sorry to anyone I comment-spam. I'm indecisive, and LJ is weird, at the same time. Go karma.)
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Also on another RPG related note. Have you ever played Gamma World? It's a suppliment for D20 Modern that came out a few months ago (like october last year) It was a really cool back in the 80's because it was this sort of 50's radition craziness and it was humorous. But now its totally updated with things like AI, Nanotech and all sorts of really cool stuff. If you have a chance I recommend that you at least take a look throught the players guide because it has some really interesting things in it, and it also gives you the chance to have a referece guide for a potentially awesome post-apocolypse campaign
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I am really messed up. ::hits head with the palm of her hand and says "Heal":: Oh well. It's better then expressing myself in harmful and violent ways.
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Xavid
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